When I Wasn’t Aligned with Self Love, I Literally Couldn’t Hear the Love and Support That Was All Around Me

I Set Out to Find an Executive Coach, and Ended Up Sharing My Deepest Insecurities with a Bunch of Strangers in a 35 Million Dollar Mansion

Last week, I went on a luxury manifestation retreat to the Bahamas. I didn’t know what to expect when I signed up, but it sure wasn’t what I got…

I stumbled across the retreat somewhat by accident. I had been feeling for a while that I wanted some type of coaching that was just for me. Since I own a business 50/50, this had never occurred to me as an option. My partner and I always worked with coaches and mentors together, went to the same retreats, etc. As our roles have become more defined however and I’ve stepped fully into the seat of CEO, I realized I needed something more. As the saying goes, it’s lonely at the top (lonely isn’t the perfect word, but you get what I mean).

I was coaching and mentoring and pouring into our highest levels of leadership (including my business partner) but had no one who was focused on me and helping me grow into my next level. I recognized that in order to pour into the business and mentor my people at the highest level, I needed someone to pour into me.

At a Mastermind meeting in April where we talked about asking for what we want, I got up the courage to tell my business partner I wanted my own coach. She was characteristically supportive, and I set my sights on finding what I would need for my next level.

My initial idea was to hire an executive coach. I spoke to a wonderful coach who was there at the Mastermind with us, and while I didn’t doubt the value she could bring me, the timing didn’t feel like a full green light.

Two days later as I was packing up in our hotel room preparing to head back to Rhode Island from our meeting in Del Ray, Florida, I felt an impulse to reach out to a friend and colleague to ask about her experience with a manifestation coach we both knew. I really liked her style, and wondered if one of her programs might be for me.

My friend responded that she wasn’t sure the program was a fit for me, but that this coach was hosting a retreat in the Bahamas in a month that I should attend. I had a strong intuitive hit that THIS was where I needed to be next.

After some initial raised eyebrows from my business partner and wife that I was spending my executive coach budget on a week in the Bahamas (lol), everyone eventually got on board and I booked the trip.

This is how I found myself in a 35 million dollar mansion on the beach, surrounded by hopeful strangers, confronting insecurities I thought were long gone.

Are You Hearing and Seeing the Things All Around You?

I didn’t have many hesitations about showing up to live in a house with a bunch of strangers. I assumed everyone would be super nice and supportive since they were all students of energy work (they were) and that it would be a relatively chill time (it wasn’t).

When I got to the villa, I gazed out of the floor to ceiling windows at the gorgeous ocean view with a pink sand beach that looked photoshopped, listened to the gentle crashing of the waves and felt… weird.

An internal battle started to brew.

What was wrong with me? I was in paradise; I should be feeling abundant and grateful and powerful. And I kind of was.

But I was also feeling uncomfortable, out of place, and insecure.

The group seemed to know each other from previous programs, but I was new to this coach’s community. I drifted around making small talk but it all felt a bit forced. I felt awkward and disconnected from the people around me, and daydreamed about being here with my family and best friend instead of these strangers.

After our first full day, I was starting to get to know people a bit better and feel a little more comfortable, but there was still an offness.

I found myself wondering, “Was this really worth it? Was this a good investment? Do I even want to be here?”

I experienced this discomfort rising up in me, and felt a familiar pressure that I recognized; it was time to speak this out loud.

Despite feeling free and more connected when I was honest with others about feelings like this, every time my initial response to the strong impulse to share was, “Oh God REALLY? THIS? But it’s so minor and pathetic!” (In my experience, THESE are the things we most need to share so we can become free, although it’s annoying in the moment).

As the mic was passed around the giant, live edge wood table (with a gorgeous ocean view of course), I felt the building anticipation of what I had to do. I would be fully honest about how weird I was feeling. I already felt a tightening in my throat indicating this wouldn’t be my most graceful vocal delivery, but I committed anyway.

When the mic was handed to me, I stood up and through a cracking and constricted voice, shared how I was feeling.

To my surprise, I saw the other faces around me nodding emphatically and even tearing up a bit. I realized I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. I immediately felt more connected to the group.

After we all got up and started milling around the villa having cocktails and snacks, a woman came up to me. She said she appreciated my share and could relate to how I was feeling. Then she said something that totally shifted my understanding of manifestation.

“Earlier today on the boat, I told you how much I loved your bathing suit but you didn’t say anything. I think you have such a beautiful and unique style.” Others around us nodded in agreement, saying they had seen and heard this exchange go down earlier in the day.

I was floored.

The realization hit me like a ton of bricks. When I was feeling self conscious about how I looked, what I was wearing, whether I fit in, I literally could not hear the compliments and support around me.

Everyone else heard it except for me. I was standing right next to her with perfectly good hearing, but I didn’t hear it.

I realized at that moment on a very deep level that the reason I couldn’t hear her was because I was not energetically aligned with her positive comment about my appearance. When I was focused on my insecurity and lack, I PHYSICALLY COULDN’T HEAR THE LOVE AND PRAISE AROUND ME!

How many other positive comments had I missed because I was too in my own head to hear them?

How much money had been trying to reach me that I hadn’t seen or heard because I was internally aligned with lack?

As soon as I had this realization, there was an immediate shift. I heard all the love and support from the people around me (maybe for the first time). Most importantly, I felt it for myself.

What if everything you want is already right in front of your face, and you simply can’t see or hear it because you are stuck in your own head focusing on lack?

What if manifestation is as simple as finally being able to experience the things that have ALWAYS been right in front of you?